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Emily in Paris: Give Me Your Best Conspiracy Theories

At some point the hot takes on Emily in Paris and the political conspiracy theories began to coalesce in the back of my mind. I just wanted to make sense of it all. I got desperate.

With a second season already announced, Netflix’s Emily in Paris garnered an incredible amount of heat considering what it is. In case you don’t know, the titular Emily is a peppy upstart at a Chicago ad agency. Her boss, Madeline, is set to relocate to Paris to provide an American perspective to a French marketing firm. Then Madeline vomits.

Of course, a woman vomiting unexpectedly is TV shorthand for “this character is pregnant.” Due to this sudden plot development, the company offers Emily the Paris job with the elite fashion and luxury brands agency.

This occurs despite Emily’s lack of experience. This occurs despite Emily’s portfolio consisting largely of ad campaigns for IBS drugs. And the big one, this happens despite Emily not speaking French.

Emily in Paris reminds me of a joke I once heard from a sushi chef in South Carolina.

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
What do you call someone who speaks one language?

Anyway, Emily sets off for Paris with zero ability to speak French. She just holds her phone up and has it bark translations at people. It’s great.

Initially, the show received backlash from the French. This is likely because Emily’s French coworkers are initially characterized as unwelcoming and rude. One character even directly tells Emily that French people are mean… mean to your face.

Then, other critics fired back about the show’s faults. This went on. Then came the inevitable rebuttal that Emily in Paris was the passive, low-stakes sitcom we need during these trying times. During this era of political turmoil, here’s a show you can binge while you stare at your phone.

But how can it be both? How is such an unremarkable show controversial, yet the TV equivalent of when they paint the walls of psych wards a soothing color? This show is inexplicable. So I decided to get to the bottom of it.

Of course, Emily in Paris rose to prominence as QAnon followers were alleging that John F. Kennedy Jr. was set to be resurrected and become the new vice presidential candidate. They claimed everything was some coded symbol being slowly released by the ultimate insider. Only the truly aware were incisive enough to see the truth.

With this in mind, I realized that Emily in Paris must be part of something larger. Why else would everyone have so many opinions about such an unremarkable and safe program?

Now to uncover the truth. I started by assigning a number to each letter in “Emily in Paris” based on position in the alphabet. Added together, you get 166. We’re getting somewhere.

Yelp lists 166 France St. in Sonoma, California, as the address for a now defunct travel service company called On Pilgrimage. Interesting. Unlike in Emily in Paris, the plot thickens.

On Pilgrimage is also the title of a 1948 book by Dorothy Day on her life and the Catholic Workers movement. Day died on November 29, 1980.

On that same day in 1963, President Lyndon B. Johnson established the Warren Commission to investigate the assassination of John F. Kennedy. This is an interesting parallel, but clearly a distraction to separate the casual conspiracists from the Emily in Paris truthers who follow after our Parisian leader, QuiAnon.

Also occurring on November 29, in 1877, Thomas Edison first demonstrated his invention of the phonograph. What was his first recording on the device?

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.

I think that makes it clear.

Who are we but the lamb — the sheeple — following blindly after Emily in Paris. It serves as a slight distraction, but it’s clear from my extensive research that something more lies below the surface of this light, airy sitcom.

I cannot tell you where Emily in Paris, our “Mary,” is leading us, but I’m certain that this will be addressed in season two. Otherwise, why would Netflix greenlight another season of a show that is not very special? An uninquisitive mind would say it’s because they want to capitalize on all the online back and forth about the show.

No. Clearly Emily in Paris plays a part in some grander scheme. Clearly there’s a reason why GLOW was cancelled and Emily in Paris carries on. It can’t just be that artistry, reviews, and my personal preferences don’t matter much when it comes to algorithm-based entertainment.

Not liking reality is easier when you can twist it around an absurd thread of numerology and Google searches. I didn’t feel anything watching Emily in Paris, but I didn’t need to. It was the thing lots of people were discussing. Therefore, I had to have an opinion prepared for the internet. Why not come up with the craziest one? It’s not too far removed from what’s happening across the rest of the country.

Now, my fellow QuiAnon followers, let’s buckle up for season two, which is sure to take us well inside the Deep State and spur a much needed social upheaval. Where goes Emily in Paris, we go all.

Written By

Dustin Waters is a writer from Macon, Ga, currently living in D.C. After years as a beat reporter in the Lowcountry, he now focuses his time on historical oddities, trashy movies, and the merits of professional wrestling.

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